Searching for a Love to love forever
November 29, 1999
The subject of knowing if someone is the right one to marry and live the
rest of one's life with is a subject that is not an easy one to answer.
This is an attempt to give some of my insights.
I begin with a fundamental belief. If you have found God and have begun
to understand God, there is no doubt
that the only control over the Earth is from God, and the only control
that is exerted by people, should be through God.
So what about finding one's Love to love forever. This is the priceless
question ..... "who is the right one, the one to love forever?"
I look back in time to a woman I will call L. She fit the definition of
a sweetheart and a genuinely good person. L taught me how to smile,
for real, she taught me how to cry, for real. L was my love who gave so
much to the relationship, big and small. I would have to believe that I
returned such love in a mutual way.
One might think that 5 years of this is a sign, a sign of a good thing, a
sign of the right one. I did.
Much of the reason for the end of our relationship is still beyond my
comprehension so far. So what to make of it? If one is to believe that
the end of our relationship was an act of God, then one must believe that
my or her control of the relationship was not through God, and God had to
interfere, for we would have been married.
Then what was the purpose? To this I will answer "a stepping stone"
I will explain by focusing on one of many examples from our
relationship......
Through our entire relationship L wore a simple cross around her neck and
on the outside of her clothing. I paid little attention....I was blind to
the significance. It was not until after the end, that I felt a need to
bear a cross around my neck. However, I did not make any connection to L.
After wearing the cross for days, weeks, months, years, I have realized
the responsibility entailed for I am representing Christianity by showing
all people what my faith is. I am forcing my life to be an example of a
christian life...not and easy thing to do.
I continued my search for the right love. Over time I began to realize
the most eye catching part of a woman, something I now respect so much, is
a cross hanging around her neck, visible to all. The relationship to L
finally clicked. To this day it still makes me cry, at least in my head,
to think about something so obvious, something I was unable to see until
it is was over.
Such a lesson, and many many more ........ stepping stones?
Well, I must believe they are if I am to put some meaning to such a
wonderful part of my life that did not continue, like I believed it would.
So how can one know if one's Love is the one to marry, the one to love
forever, and not just a stepping stone to some one else or to a life with
no one else? I think it somehow comes back to control. If I let God stay
in control, then I will end my life the way God intended. It is however a
fine line between ones own initiative to begin and continue a relationship
while maintaining God's control over the intended outcome.
I have heard many people say "look for a sign". However, I had so, so
many positive signs with L. I know that a good mutual relationship
is essential, but when it comes down to the big question, I can think
of only one thing to find the answer that God intended....Prayer. I am
still working on this one...I probably will be forever.
I will give credits to the movie "Instinct", to my cold which forced me to
stay home and watch the movie, to L and to God.